From the schoolyard to the workplace or personal or family circle, we experience conflict in every stage of our life. The ability to resolve conflicts with one another is a critical life skill, especially in today’s divisive and competitive world. At Your Life Change Center, we encourage participants to work out disputes for themselves whether they arise on or off these places. The term conflict resolution may also be used interchangeably with dispute resolution, where arbitration and litigation processes are critically involved. The concept of conflict resolution can be thought to encompass the use of nonviolent resistance measures by conflicted parties in an attempt to promote effective resolution

Interpersonal conflict is a fact of life and can arise in almost any sphere, from organizations through to personal relationships. Learning to resolve it effectively, in a way that does not increase your stress levels, is therefore important for everyone. Those with good conflict resolution skills generally help organizations and groups to work more effectively.

TYPES OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

There are three types of conflict, personal or relational conflicts, instrumental conflicts, and conflicts of interest:

Personal or relational conflicts are usually about identity or self-image, or important aspects of a relationship such as loyalty, breach of confidence, perceived betrayal or lack of respect.

 Instrumental conflicts are about goals, structures, procedures, and means: something fairly tangible and structural within the organization or for an individual.

Conflicts of interest concern the ways in which the means of achieving goals are distributed, such as time, money, space, and staff. They may also be about factors related to these, such as relative importance, or knowledge and expertise. An example would be a couple disagreeing over whether to spend a bonus on a holiday or to repair the roof.

Resolving Conflict

It is important to emphasize that dealing with conflict early is usually easier because positions are not so entrenched, others are less likely to have started to take sides, and the negative emotions are not so extreme. The best way to address a conflict in its early stages is through negotiation between the participants. Looking for ways to resolve a conflict that meets the needs of both parties is challenging, but something youth should learn to strive towards. The first things to learn in this conflict resolution program include:

 1. COMMUNICATE

Open communication is key in a dispute. Expressing how you feel about the situation and sticking to the facts will let the other person know you’re genuine in your actions. Focusing on the problem at hand and not what the other person did will avoid unnecessary conflict.

 2. ACTIVELY LISTEN

Listen to what the other person has to say, without interrupting. Try to be objective. Then, ask open-ended questions to make sure each side understands what the other person thinks and how he/she feels.

3. REVIEW OPTIONS

Talk over the options, looking for solutions that benefit everyone. Do not feel pressured to come up with one answer immediately. Bring in an objective third party for ideas, if necessary.

4. END WITH A WIN-WIN SOLUTION

This is the ultimate goal—to agree on an option that benefits both sides to some extent. When one party wins by aggressive behavior or one party simply gives in, someone is losing. And that means you get outcomes that do not resolve the underlying causes of the conflict.

 

Essential Skills for Handling Conflict

There is a wide range of useful skills for handling conflict. Possibly the most important is assertiveness.

You need to be able to express your views clearly and firmly, but without aggression. One model to use is ‘Describe the situation, Express your feelings, and Specify what you want to be done’, but for more information, and ideas for developing your assertiveness, see our Assertiveness section.

It is also helpful to think about how you communicate about the situation. When you want to talk about the effect of the conflict or the other person’s behavior, it is most effective to use ‘I’ statements. In other words, you should explain the effect of particular behaviors or actions on you. For example:

“When you said x, it made me feel y.”

This is much easier to hear than “Your behavior is horrible”, or even “You are a bad person”. It can, therefore, make it easier to discuss problem areas without creating further conflict.

You also need to practice active listening to ensure that you fully understand the position of those involved in the conflict. This is true whether you are an active participant or a potential mediator.

 

Emotions and Conflict Resolution

It is also helpful to understand and recognize emotion in both yourself and others. Emotions are never good or bad, but simply appropriate or inappropriate. A useful skill in managing conflict is to be able to help others recognize when particular emotions are inappropriate, and when it is likely to be fine to express them. For more, look at our pages on Managing Emotions and Understanding Others. You might also find it helpful to read our pages on Emotional Intelligence. One particular part of emotional intelligence which is likely to be particularly useful is empathy. This is the skill of being able to put yourself in other people’s shoes and supporting those involved to do the same

Whatever conflict you might have, here at Your Life Change Center we have the necessary tools to help you and resolve it.